And then there was...love

I have never in my 9 years of having sex, experienced anything as fantastic as each and every time my body and mind engage with you.

good. GOT. damn.

Confessions...

So, this 10 day boyfriend thing is pretty damn awesome!!!

Last nights, phone night cap was rather interesting...I was half whispering my words because it was late and I did not want to wake the house, primarily my sister with whom I slept with. We talked about marriage and the possibility of me being married before him. However, we have a standing non-negotiable clause in our friendship that on or before I reach 32, we are to procreate a man child into this world, the old fashion way.

Then we drifted onward towards practicing and perverted thoughts, and at that moment again I wanted to act out Dr. Suess' "Hop on Pop"


Today's discussion goes as follows (in synopsis form):

Him: if you woulda been able to magically read my thoughts...you woulda been like...damn nigga let me breathe lol

Me: i wanted to punch you that night you kept harassing me and then falling back to sleep, then i'd fall asleep and you would start harassing me again

Him: basically i had the andre 3000 skit in my head...minus the sex lol

Me: (thinking to self) what is he doing, go away or go all the way

Me: it's not like we've never done such things in a former life

Him: but im the dummy

Me: its kinda funny though bc i know you're a perv

Him: I know and that should give me more reason to act like one lol. because you know

Me: lol yup


Let's see what I can make happen over the next few days... Aoooow!
*plotting*

A Merry Christmas Tale...

So for starters, I was really having a rough Christmas Eve. Pops had got on my last nerve he was making assumptions and throwing all types of inappropriate attitude my way. His side comments were not worth my headache and I was ready to exit stage left and go on with my life as an adult else where. But because He has mercy upon me and He heard a dove cry, He granted me some peace, by sending one of the best gifts I could have asked for in my life, my best friend and sister. Not only did she surprise me and show up to spend Christmas day with me, she promptly arrived at midnight making this the best gift I could have received all year long.

Yes I cried on the inside but was smiling from ear to ear on the outside :)

As the day went along, there was of course gift giving in the early morning with the kiddies because they were eager for it to be Christmas morning. Baby girl ran around the house causing a serious stir and finally she was victorious at 7:15am when all were summoned to the living room for gift exchange and loud children screams of joy.

Routine day occurred there-in after I made breakfast, took a nap, dinner was served, all while kids where at play. But something inside me told me to extend the invitation to the greatest piece of my happiness from 2008, and he too came and joined in the family affair.

We had mild interaction on name that tune, then of course Pops monopolized my time with my company as if he had come to see him. From there "he", bestie, G-bf and I went to bar Louie cracked jokes and made good times.

Although it was not an extravagant day filled with major gift exchange it marks the first time that I was completely happy as a child is on Christmas morning, because I was surrounded by all those whom I love and all were merry and I sat there and stared at Love.

Oh Christmas Eve...

Man o man, I sure hope church makes me feel better. I pray that God has a word for my spirit today when I attend my favorite service that is given at FCOG.

Christmas is one time of year that often brings me joy because it is when my family gets together and shares love and gifts. For me it is about the joy and happiness that come across the faces of my sisters and nieces and nephews, for they are innocent and they do not know what it means to struggle or be unhappy.


family = love true from me to you

So High...You Showed Me How to Fly

So I arrive, promptly at 8:30p Friday night as scheduled...pick up at 8:50p, Perfect! So we go to your home, a few things I did not like but brushed off as lapse or carefree thoughts, you didn't offer to take my suitcase in exchange for the lighter items in your hand. One pass, no biggie life happens. We go in, the kiddies are excited to see me, little miss pretty remembered me and she was the most over-joyed. It was kind of interesting to say the least and appeasing to me.

Small talk occurs...

We enter into your dwelling space, it was nice and half way clean...did not look lived in much, but you are a guy so what am I to expect (shoulder shrug). Bags dropped, quick lounge and then we went on a wild goose chase for me some food. You indulged because I was hungry, then I felt bad because a few hours later you were making love with the porcelain queen of your world your all...sawree.

The rest of the weekend was not filled with endless sex or high levels of romance, but most importantly it was purely peaceful, drama free, and a the ultimate comfort zone. No drama, no worries, no annoying or awkward interactions...just joyous life in its purest form. From the initial time we rekindled our friendship in 2007, I have found nothing but a place of happiness within you.

What does that mean?

I do not know, but what I can appreciate from it is that my heart smiles when you are involved on almost any axis of the world that it sits on. If and when the time comes for me to move forward in love and life, if that is the peak at which my heart should rest upon, I would be forever and eternally grateful...if it is not too much to ask, could you, would you save room for my love?

A moment to be with me, save a little for me...

Awe sleeping in your arms, next to you was so comforting to my soul. I am not sure if it was because I was just in need of a gentle touch or if in all honesty your touch is the one that satisfies me the most. I am not the one to play the rebound or to go back into familiar space without question or a good verbal fight, but in your world I feel like I am at a perfect place, at a perfect time, with God's most imperfect man...and I absolutely love it!!

If carelessness is this, and this is happiness, I want it now, down and dirty, to the core and forevermore. For it is this careless space that we have discussed and both equally love.

Nonetheless, heaven only knows but for now what the future holds, but I know that you the wind that makes my love flies high...


-- Dove

Time on my hands...

Thank you...

And over the past few days, I have begun to think...about the invitation you extended to me to come and spend some time with you. At this point it is selfish for me to come and do as I please, and gladly I will do this.

Why you ask? Simply because I have a million other reasons to want to wish I could just get away from it all.

So thank you for inviting me to spend "some" time. Not necessarily intimate time, but free time. Time to be careless, away from the stress and drama of my everyday world. The routine day to day of your life, right?

Like seriously, I am going to need this time to debrief and breathe without the thoughts and concerns of others. This is sometime I will spend alone, with you, but alone...much needed it shall be.

How grateful I am...

I cannot wait for this sigh of relief to come, iCannot wait!!

Today, It Really Hit Me...A Love So Far Gone

After today small glimpse inside the sorrow at which I know exists, but I wanted to pretend like it was not really there or honestly as intense as it seemed.

It really hurt my heart and ears when I heard her speak those words... my insides began to cry.

She has been showing signs of disdain and resentment over time, and it sounds like she is ready to break from it all...I do not hear neither heart stating they are eager or interested in trying again from the mild engagements on the subject matter that I have, I only hear a lot of broken heart, broken promises, broken trust, and most importantly broken friendship.

There was not enough between the two to say, "hey you, friend...what is going on here?"


I hope when my time comes that it is built off of trust, respect, love, and genuine friendship.

Because this cannot be life...
Is it really coming to this? Has it all been in vain?


I guess the truth will unveil itself...

Lost in Love?!

So out of the clear blue sky, the love of my life decides that he wants to resurface and make socialization? or a random two week recommitment? I really do not know what it is that he wants or is trying to do. We go from random weekly conversations to him asking me out the clear blue sky if I was going to come and spend some time with him during my holiday break at home. I was very confused and unclear what has brought this about, though I am eager to see what is to come I still have my heart on reserve. I mean he had it and dropped it, walked away from, barely picked it back up to a full fledged blowing it kisses and drawing smiley faces on it. I just do not trust him or any man at this point in my life. As much as I love, love I do not know or hold faith in them. I really want and need them to prove to me that they want my time and attention. I am over these half ass men and their deceitful ways that they call courtship. Until I figure out if I trust and believe I will just listen to Melanie Fiona strum my pain with her fingers, and sing all the words of my heart publicly.

Until then I will let my heart and mind ruin my happiness and fight it out...

"Apart of me wants to leave, but the other half still believes...I got to be out of my mind to think its going to work this time...and it kills me to know how much I really love you."