somewhere in the middle

"sometimes love comes around, and it knocks you down. just get back up and it knocks you down"

Today from heartbreak...hold

(do i share my feelings or should I keep them to myself?)

I mean we spoke for a nice long while and it was casual, but it was not enough. i mean i really miss him and want to kiss him, and hug him and tell him how i can think of him all day long...i want him to kiss me through the phone (like he use too)

ugh, and it didn't help that i spoke to them both, your loves...sigh HBD Barb, Hi Dashi

i. love. you.

Today check-in from heartbreak:

"...there can only be one king, one standard, until someone replaces that, nothing wrong with him having a bit of a hold."

Thanks LH I heart you big bro

Refocus, Revise and Refresh...

21 day challenge...

(day 1)
admitting that something is wrong and correcting it (told my GardenBlockBoo and *Him that I have a problem) GardenBlockBoo more about my ability to not hold myself accountable as I should, *Him that something was seriously wrong but I did not know how to address it. Restarting my diet commitment and sticking to it.

Goals better eating habits:

-journaling my intake
-increasing excercise
-losing 10 lbs (and keeping it off)

here goes nothing...

Today from heartbreak...

Today from heartbreak...

A valley is a time when you long for what is missing...and a Peak is a time when you appreciate what you have.

Well we spoke via text on Saturday and Monday...
I was happy, very happy.
Then I read her facebook, the bff and I was sad again.
Sad because all that I believed appears to be true

Sigh, I am lead to believe that yet again I was holding it down for the rebound.
Even if you showed me new joys and a new world
And I shared with you mine...

I want to be over all this...practicing really hurts

bad

Notes from the heartbreak hotel...

No matter how down and dirty things get, we have a right to be hopeful...right?

Checking in with heartbreak...

I'm not sure if I want to check in or if I won't to just check it out. I often just wonder what any of this "love" shit is all about. What's the point of telling someone you care and then treating them as if they weren't ever shit or simply there. I mean seriously I'm kinda just really mad at myself that I even fell for you and what I now think is a bunch bullshit.

See I thought I had it bad when the jerks before you let me down, but I see all of you were playing the same and all decided to throw daggers at my heart. Three of you claimed to care for me and endlessly respect our friendship but as I reflect back on the time we shared it just really makes me want to fucking cry. Cry because I am confused, cry because I feel like I am a victim, cry honestly because I don't know what else to do. For a short while you were there to mend my broken wings and easy my aching heart but today you have actually brought on a new pain. Sigh* honeslty, I don't know or have a clue to were to start.

I mean I cared about you all deeply because you brought happiness...to my heart.

My sunshine, he was a battle....Cold feet he was just rude...
But Stinky, my stinky I get teary eyed at every thought of you. I let my guard down because I thought I had found a new best friend, we exchanged pieces of happiness from palm to hand. I fought to keep us alive and on good terms, BUT you excommunicated me, and left me with a world of shame. Shamed that I loved you openly, disgruntled to hear your name, 'shamed that I even adored you or attempted to call you my _______.

I mean seriously I've been broken down before and felt my face hit the ground but this, this, this disengagement has punctured me to the core and I am affraid that I will now live with fear inside. A fear that I don't want to ever love anymore or even lovingly greet Mr. Passer-by.