Sweet Escapes: Bittersweet Disappointment

Commitment: Making a promise to oneself or to take a vow and abide by the morals that you have embraced in your life; to remain within boundaries and uphold the agreement set forth by parties involved. It is a plan to ensure that you are doing what was set before you as what was right. Its an outright pledge of respect...and I have committed the ultimate crime that one can do in a relationship...I HAVE CHEATED ON MYSELF!!!

I have never been more disappointed in myself. It was all for a cheap thrill. I mean one of the times I cheated was very,very much worth its momentary indulgence...but then the next few days I was back and forth contemplating whether or no I really wanted it to happened as it did, or should it have happened when and how I had it planned?! oh what frustration I experienced that day...sigh

Then the days after when I was filled with rage and burning loins that yearned for his fulfilling caress, kiss, and teasing...oh let me stop now before I send myself on another roller coaster of seeking satisfaction...

I was so angry today at myself for being disobedient, I felt that I should have been punished, I feel that I want to tell him of my naughty behavior...but for why? Why should I taint the image he has of me, why should I pour black paint over our canvas...


This bittersweet disappointment that I have with myself...its the confusion of discipline, its the broken commitment that is weighing heavy on my heart because I have failed myself...