Sweet Escapes: The Coldest Winter Ever.

So there has been back and forth with he who shall remain nameless.
He wants this, that, this, and then some. And I hear him but I'm not listening.
Part of me wants to and part of me thinks that he is just a JOKE!
I mean, its very clear that he isn't ready.
But even if he was ready, I'm not.
Or am I not because I want him not, anymore?

See, that is the hmmm and the eh, of the matter.

Hmmmm I wondered for sometime, what shoulda, coulda, woulda, or life have been like to have shared moments in life with him.
Hmmmm where the thoughts that provoked my mind when I fantasized about what kind of times we could have had, he knowing me and my friends.
The thoughts of falling into his arms and understanding his world. (ummmmmmmmmmm, mhmm)
But that all turned into an eh when his emotions became scarce and his words seemed like ice sickles that were frozen lies, mischief, and deceit.
Its like time froze this past winter and everything it captured from him has begun to melt in the spring sun.

But, I was struck by a new ray of light.
One of sincerity, devotion, unphased but passionate honesty.
This new ray raised the bar of standards for all from sunrise to sunset.
Its light is a gentle kiss in the early dawn,
a "love you goodbye" before adventures begun.

This new ray...all began in a Daydream.

Sweet Escapes: I Can Hear Your Heart the Peace Edition

It said I'm sorry, I love you, I failed to understand what I was doing.
Can you forgive me?
Of course I can, I already did.
I relinquished my emotions and disappointment for the past possibilities long ago.

I'm no keeper of bad vibes.
I am the lover, for the lover in you.
I am the joy that grants smiles, shares laughs, make believes, uplifts, builds strength, lays hope, and looks forward.
I accepted your apology long before it was given,
nights before it was thought and hours before it became real to your tongue.

I believe in the impossible, to love everyone differently but equally.
I strive to live like never before, never hold grudges, always say I'm sorry, never decline a free smile, give and take hugs.

But just know that my heart was listening and being mindful long ago...before I knew that you knew that there was a wrong...

Daydreaming: Back In The Day...

I had the biggest crush this side of the Mississippi for you.
I had one picture, that I held near and dear and always wondered what if?
What if I had told you how cute I thought you were and how much I crushed on you.
What if you knew that I really could careless that your bff was confident enough to approach me, that he was nonexistent once I was connected to you.
We lost contact all those years I occasionally wondered who, what , and where you were?
I crack up laughing often at my terrible ways of thinking in high school (he's cute but his teeth are a little jacked up) and now I see you and I'm like man he is still FINE, how'd I let that get away?!
I must admit I'm a sucker for charm and endless compliments but there is so much more to this than just smiles.
Its like revolving childhood memories.
This is the thrill that I live for, the youth oriented passion that I dream about in my romance stories.
And yet your so near and dear to my heart and so far away from my touch, this is definetly a story relived. I use to make believe I went on dates or hung out with you, mainly because that's all I could do, hahaha.
But here we are nearly 10 years later playfully chatting in every way we can.
Only difference this time is that we are making plans to pseudo date each other.
This is going to be a good summer, kicked off by a very Happy Day to me :-)