Love is a fate for time...

It's too big
It's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much
It's too tough

I talk like this cause...

I once thought I could talk like Bey, I mean she has that full force confidence in her love with her man. No matter what anyone may say or do, the love she has for him is present. It is in her smile in her dance, in her giggle and even in her stern ability to not want to discuss a minute detail of what they share. I once thought, I too was on the same road as she. But as time goes along, I come to realize that I am just a hopeless romantic.

I love easy and hard. Those are two facts about myself that I have come to learn as a truth. The unfortunate component of it all for me is that it is often in vain. I've lived in the "city of dreams" for almost 5 years now and these are the types of loves I have had:

1) the final chapter - 201524624
2) the vacuum - myspace
3) summer bunny - team ballin pure talent
4) the honest liar - bob marley
5) high school high - forever crush

Number 3 and 5 had me completely bamboozled. I mean good flow and great times, then SLAP!! Dead end of the road. The first time I was a bit angry and disgruntled, but then I got over it. Time does heal all things. The second one I should have known it was a gift and curse. He had me, wide open like my 201 tender love had me. It was just so unreal to be so happy and trusting in one. We understood each other endlessly, then 9 months into it it all went up in smoke... It was not a bad break up it was just not ever an official relationship. A major part of me wants to ask him, what is it? Is there hope? Or should I just close this chapter of life and leave well enough alone? Knowing I do not want to, I know I need too because having a broken heart won't lead me to a happy home.

I just want to be happy, I want to be loved. Some one to hold me in their arms, kiss me on my cheek, and neck. I want to listen to songs about love and know that I have all of that for myself. I do not want to share a man, or someone's time. I want my own big ego to stroke, so I can have every reason to feel like I'm that bitch.

Sigh...Im going to bed.