The past few days have been endless torture. My spirits are low, my ambition is weak, and my heart is really fucking confused. Its not listening to my mind, or taking heed to the evident signs around it. Its really just has the attitude of "I do as I please". Granted when that is said in a joking manner amongst dear friends it quite comic relief but, lately it really pissing me off. I mean I feel like the biggest loser and really do not why. I have accomplished so much but it feels like so little. Feels like I am not accomplishing what I should, like I am just dibbling and dabbling in things but no focusing on what is deemed necessary to be fulfilling to me. I
I have sorted through a few things and have named some persons and events that I need to rid myself of but I am hoping that their existence does not have a true poisonous venom I am dreaming of. And I anticipate that this dream is just that otherwise I am giving my situation much more control then it deserves. That in turn makes it much more detrimental than I am perceiving it to be...ugh I got this. As I sit here and type this I have "No One" on repeat, and although in the song she is expressing her endless love to some companion of hers she has some words that one can take and make it into a cry for help...
Anyway, I am really not happy with a few essential things in my life, but I guess this is just my time to cry to God because I should have just been looking to the hills from which cometh my help...
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